why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
