it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
