i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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