I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
