i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
