Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
