And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
