I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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