Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
