Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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