I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
