WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
