Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
