If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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