All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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