fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
