My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
