Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
