i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I did not marry a roomba.
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