I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
