I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
