Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
