Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
