Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
