turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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