I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was CRYING into my vagina
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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