maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
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Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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