I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
