Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
