i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
