She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
