Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
