All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
