he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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