My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
