You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
