You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
