We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
