this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
