His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
