My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
