Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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