these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
