This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
