Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
