hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
