is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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