atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
