I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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