I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
