I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
