My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
