My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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