Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
