I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
