My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
