I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
