so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
