What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
