I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
