this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
