some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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