YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
