What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
