Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
