I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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